Periods, Ovaries, Kissing, and Jacob
by fantasyaddict101
Summary: Jacob loved Bella before Renesmee before she was born... why? Bella has some revelations about Jacob's pre-infatuation with Nessie and how he was able to be in love with Nessie all along. Humor-fic. One-shot. Rated T. Bella's POV


**I noticed this...interesting little detail soon after reading "Breaking Dawn" for the 2nd time...hence long-_long_ ago!**

**If you flame towards uncomfortable subject matter, please discontinue reading. No flames please! They're icky and burn my creativity.**

**POST Breaking Dawn. Enjoy!**

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**-Bella's POV-**

"You mean _every_ month!" Renesmee shrieked, standing up and stamping around.

"I know it sucks," Alice said understandingly. Suddenly, a mask seemed to come off and she burst out loud, "Oh who am I kidding, I don't remember anything about it!"

I smiled at my daughter's outburst, it was her first time getting her monthly "gift."

Carlisle stood up, holding her shoulders. "For you dear, it will only be once every 3 months. Your body is different than the average girl's."

"I'm sorry sweetie," Alice interjected. "I should have seen it coming. I would have told you."

"Oh no, it's fine," she said sarcastically. "I'm glad that I noticed it after I got home from going to the movies with Jacob."

Emmett opened the door partly to see how everything was going. "So...is uh, everything working. Or, do you need anything? Like a Playtex or Kotex or Tampax or something-ex?"

I held back giggles. I had never seen Emmett act so out of place.

"We're good Em," Rosalie sighed.

Renesmee blushed in embarrassment and walked out of the huge bathroom that Alice, Rosalie, Carlise, Esme, and I had fit comfortably into. We had all given Nessie our views of "the monthly present" and I guessed she has had enough.

We let her go upstairs to hide in her room while she soaked all out information in. I sat down on the couch next to Jacob. I enjoyed being near Jacob so much again. None of the battling between he and Edward.

"One thing I'll _never_ miss about being human," I commented. "The cramping, the counting, the worry..."

He looked up at me slowly. "Why does every other girl feel they _need _to come up to me to tell me these things. I've become Leah's gal-pal practically! She just _loves_ to tell me how 'unclean' she feels sometimes. By the way, her period is starting to regulate again," he muttered unhappily because of the fact that he actually _knew_ about this update.

"Is Nessie better now, or do you want me to go help her calm down?" Jasper asked, leaning on the side of the couch near where Alice was.

"No, she'll be fine," I answered. An interesting thought suddenly popped into my mind.

Alice's face contorted in amusement as she saw the question I was going to ask.

"What?" Jasper asked, afraid of why Alice was entertained.

I stared at Jasper for a moment then had to inquire, "Jasper...I know you don't like me to bring it up, but when I cut myself at my 18th birthday party, you... overreacted a bit. But what about when I came over here while I had my period?"

Edward had happened to walk by and tried to continue walking, but I asked him to come over. He sighed in defeat and joined where Jasper stood.

"Well," Jasper began, clearing his throat. "Let's just say that it's not the most...delectable."

"It's easy to refuse," Edward clarified. "Unless you're really thirsty," he added.

I had to ask, I hadn't exactly been around many girls with their periods lately.

Rosalie smiled because of their discomfort. "Also," she had to continue, "_blood_ always smells delicious, as you know, but when other bodily fluids mix with the blood, it becomes less apealing."

"Interesting," I mused. I rolled my ocher eyes. "I guess you all knew when I was on the rag then."

Alice batted her eyes at me. "How do you think I was able to plan your wedding and most of your honeymoon around your period without ever asking?"

I thought about it, she never did ask.

"I'm going to go check on Nessie," Edward muttered, escaping upstairs.

Jacob groaned and buried his head in his hands. I clapped a hand on his shoulder. "Ah Jacob," I began. "And just think, we get to spend an eternity with her getting her period. Sounds like fun!"

I smiled, another uncomfortable matter wandered into my head. Jacob made the mistake of looking up to see the little grin form on my lips. "Speaking of menstruation..." I trailed off.

"Yeah, yeah, just say it," he moaned.

I re positioned myself. "Okay guys, just hear me out on this one," I started getting their attention. Ever since I became a vampire, I was better at speaking to larger groups, but then again, they were all my family.

"Alright, so Jacob, you 'loved' me up until Nessie was born, so the love you had for me that was really just fate's way of giving you a heads up. It was like you were already in love with Nessie, I just kinda blocked and absorbed her effects till she was born."

Carlisle nodded his head, trying to see where I was going with this.

"And sorta 'loved' you until Renesmee was born and then I didn't have that same draw to you, once again it was really just Nessie's influence...Now, all along you were really only 'in love' with Nessie, Jacob. And do you know what that means?"

His right eye twitched slightly. "No..."

I tapped my chin. "Jacob, did you know that a woman is born with all the eggs that she'll ever have in her life."

"Now I do."

I flashed my teeth. "So all along you were really just in love with my ovaries."

Emmett shut his eyes, as if that would keep the thought from entering his mind. Rose subtly hide her laughter, but her amusement still showed.

"EW!" Jacob screamed.

Rosalie's hidden mirth suddenly turned to disgust, "Wait! Does that mean he was also supposed to be in love with Edwards sper-"

"No!" I laughed, cutting Rosalie off. "Men get, like, replenished or something every few hundred miles, right?" I turned towards Carlisle who gave a little nod. "But still...that means in the last week or so before we conceived-"

"Whoa, okay, that is something I _really_ don't want to think about. And I'm just putting it out there, I never felt any type or kind of 'love',_ ever _for Edward," Jacob felt he had to add.

"Allow me to interject one more thing," Alice chimed. "You kissed your future mother-in-law...twice."

Even I shivered at that thought.

Edward began descending the stairs and casually asked, "What were you all talking about?" he must have heard the others thoughts because he stopped in his tracks, blinked a few times, then just silently went back upstairs.

Ah, the advantages and disadvantages of being a vampire.

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**IT TOTALLY MAKES SENSE! RIGHT! **

**If you, for a lack of better words, enjoyed (xD) this little fic, please check out my other one-shot called "Push the Cube Into My Chest" which is about some interesting things I noticed in the Transformers (2007) movie.**

**I really hope you liked it!**


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